What’s your first reaction to hearing the words, “Let’s Talk“?
Keep in mind it’s not a “We Need to Talk“.
It’s a gentler, softer version without a sense of urgency.
It’s a thermometer to measure if we’re approaching a dangerous level or cooling off.
I use my “Let’s Talk” to work on friendships, to take stock of where we stand and how we can improve. I try to utter these words as infrequently as possible. Despite what many people think I shy from confrontation. Most of the time, I try to avoid these conversations. The only time I’m willing to confront is when I’m angry and lose control over my tongue or when I fear that I’m going to lose a friendship and know I’ll have to speak up before resentment takes over and ruins that friendship for me.
Lately I’ve had a friend who keeps pushing my buttons. It’s not entirely her fault, except it is. That sentence sums up how I’ve been feeling about the situation. I feel bad, then I get annoyed and believe she’s doing it on purpose.
She’s managed to make me feel uncomfortable when I’ve shared things with her because her replies can pretty much be summed up as, “How come you’re so lucky?” There is a barely concealed jealousy under her words that makes me supremely uncomfortable. I am not used to having someone express jealousy so starkly. And I don’t understand the basis for her jealousy when she is blessed with so much.
“She’s unhappy.” My friends say as if that should make me feel better. It doesn’t.
I don’t believe that is an excuse. And I don’t know how to deal with the situation. I can’t tell her “You act like you’re jealous of me”. For one thing, it sounds so egotistical. The other thing is I don’t know how I would continue the conversation and what I would expect to gain from it. Am I going to point out every single incident where she’s made me uncomfortable with her remarks? Will she censor her remarks after our talk? Will she increase their frequency? Will there be a sarcastic edge to her comments? So far she doesn’t realize she’s being transparent. Others see it too and remain quiet. She does it to them. They let her make her little comments and leave her out of the loop as much as possible, which isn’t that much since she’s engrained in our lives.
For the past month I keep wondering if it’s time for me to send her a message and just say, “Let’s Talk” and hope it works out for the best. I’m not sure how long I can continue to bite my tongue.